almost two weeks now...
I'm tired of this fucking routine. I'm tired of being stuck here. Nothing I do for myself makes me happy anymore...Life just feels like one big fucking chore.
I feel like a pathetic fucking loser. I'm not making up excuse for myself. I'm scared.
Anxiety is serious. Depression is serious. The one day I'm looking forward to is in the beginning of next month. It's going to fly by and then everything will be back the way it was. I'm turning nineteen at the end of next month and I can't think positive about my birthday without my parents associating it with negativity. It's always about how I've wasted one year of my life staying home. How I should be working and have a life plan set up. I fucking just want to live my life by the day. I don't want to set a path that I'm unsure about. There's so many things I want to see. So many places I want to go...I just want to be able to see my boyfriend on a regular basis and get a decent paying job. [which would be anything at this point.] but, I'm nineteen. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know life consequences.
I'm smarter then you put me out to be. In fact I dig deeper then what's on the surface. My age doesn't reflect what I know. I learn through everyone else.
But I have so many fears. I'm afraid of the world and you mistaken that for laziness.
Stop putting yourself first and try to understand how I fucking feel...
I can't take this anymore...
Sta.sh
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